Overview
We are always falling apart and coming together. Families feud and reconcile. Teams splinter and regroup. Communities, organizations, and nations fragment, fight, ally, and unite.
Our biggest problem isn’t falling apart and coming together—it’s falling apart or coming together. Increasingly we’re getting trapped in two dangerous extremes:
- Combat (separateness without togetherness): pulling back into hostile camps, weaponizing differences, and fracturing into polarization and isolation.
- Subordination (togetherness without separateness): demanding harmony, erasing difference, and silencing dissent.
Drawing on thirty-five years of work with diverse groups at all scales all around the world—from apartheid and civil war to everyday organizational and family dynamics—bestselling author Adam Kahane offers a practical way to navigate between these extremes. At the heart of his approach is a recognition of two fundamental universal drives: love, our drive to connect and unite with others as interdependent teammates, and power, our drive to do our thing and realize ourselves as independent parties. Kahane shows how these drives can be harmonized only through building justice: living containers—boundaries, rules of the game, and norms—that enable us to be both separate and together as interrelated kin.
Through gritty, real-world stories from Kahane’s professional and personal experiences, readers will learn how to
- steer between combat and subordination;
- work more skillfully with love, power, and justice;
- repair structures and relationships that are cracking; and
- create conditions for people to live and work together across their differences.
For anyone trying to lead a family, team, organization, community, or nation so people can remain themselves and stay connected, Falling Apart and Coming Together offers a hopeful, practical path forward and a survival guide for a fracturing world.
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