Overview
The problems, the missteps, the abysmal timing, the pitiful, stumbling overreach—none were recent developments. All were part of an early onset failure, all wired into my DNA from the start. The symptom—that was my fledgling frack company. But the cause, the reason? That was all me. I’ll make a hurried, overly zealous decision to do something, and then just do it. I’ll assume that if I do, I’ll land on my feet. The bedrock of all my assumptions has always been Why shouldn’t I land on my feet?
Why though? Why so damned cavalier?
Entrepreneurialism is to blame. It’s because I’m an entrepreneur.
I have an entrepreneurial restlessness that overwhelms common sense and other well-regarded human instincts like fear and fear of failure. Reasonable personality traits like caution and restraint are pushed out of the way. There just isn’t enough air in the room. Entrepreneurism consumes it all, sucking up every bit of energy, riding roughshod over benevolence, dignity, good and proper manners, and everything else living under the umbrella of civility.
I’m not necessarily proud of it, either. I’ve worked on overcoming it. I’ve prayed for restraint, for anything that might suppress it. But it’s always there, irrepressible, agitating against authority, seeking difficulty over ease, naivety over season.
It’s the same for all of us. The damned bullheadedness that marks all entrepreneurs—our cacophonous, messy catchall of a group that, by all reasonable standards, is a shit-poor group to belong to.
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